Sexta-feira, 12 de Fevereiro de 2010
Add enthusiasm, anxiety and nervousness, stir.

"Doesn't your stomach hurt?"



The question came from the cheerful lady who was knelled next to me, marking the jean pants I was wearing at the moment. Being short and chubby usually means every single set of pants I buy always need to be cut. But that is beyond the point, as the question baffled me, while I was still semi oblivious and intrigued with the laundry mechanisms present inside the store.


"Eh... a little. I mean, I haven't had lunch yet."

"No, no." She persisted, still cheerful "I meant, the trip! Aren't you nervous with it?"


The trip...


How significant is it to live in another country for 4-5 months? Some will disregard as yet another complex life experience, which will be quick to pass, while others see it as something more important and of great nature, a unique feat, something to brag around, and be proud of.


Or, I think my parents are proud of me. My mother is the one who makes sure I'll take everything necessary with me, even if it means paying the overweight luggage tax at the airport, and she keeps mentioning about me to her friends "My daughter is going to Greece, for a thesis project!". And behind her back, her friends tell me "She's going to miss you". I'm fully aware of it.


Even my father is displaying behavior changes, hugging me almost every time he sees me, instead of being an asshat and throwing jokes everywhere like a mad ninja on crack throwing shurikens at random targets. My brother? I'm don't know if he cares or not, but I'm sure he'll join my mother in the creation of a new river. My grandma? Can only pray she'll remain safe and sound, and will still recognize me when I return. My pets? I'll miss them as much as I'll miss my family, but I know Hades won't notice my absence after a week, and continue with his illegal scavenging activities inside the kitchen's trash can.


Some say I look too calm for someone who's going to be away, as I mentioned on Twitter. Am I calm? Good question. During January, I had several stress and panic attacks, and my mom thought it was because of the trip, but I was more concerned about delivering a decent Investigation Plan and State of Art on time, and I thought I didn't have enough time and patience for it. (*update* And I had panic attacks during the first semester as well. Ask anyone who was in Estatisticas's last class). Right now, I am less nervous, yes, but wondering.

I was already used to be alone by myself, from the days my family used to be away in France for weeks, and I was able to survive in London for a week with little assistance.


I dreamed about studying outside ever since I heard the word "Erasmus". On my second year in the Design course, I applied for Erasmus, and my first choice was an university in Manchester with Computer Arts as one of its courses. I was delighted with the idea of focusing in 2D/3D digital drawing, but reality slapped me in the face when I realized only the students who applied with higher grades had a chance to participate in Erasmus. And I saw two students whose first choice wasn't Manchester, walk away and taking my dream with them.


Questioning once more: is this the final realization of a dream long denied? Is this trip important for me? I would be an idiot if I said this isn't important, because there's a Master Degree Dissertation involved, and it's about a subject which I hope it will become a prominent part of my career as a Designer/Artist. There are people counting on my performance, an article may be published, and this is going to be the end of my academic chapter, in case I don't follow with a PhD.


However, the trip itself, the premise of living in Greece for the following months... people comment how Greece is so far away, and how I'll be one of the few lucky ones who can boast about outside-country experiences. No. For me, this experience is but another stone placed in the path. I don't want to think of this a huge experience that'll last four months, but rather as a experience that is part of a bigger scheme, which will last for as long as I live. I don't know how to describe this, my English vocabulary is failing me yet again.


You know what I'm looking forward in Greece, besides the project? Harmony and balance. There's this one land called Meteora, where monks built monasteries over cliffs and mountains in order to avoid the chaotic wars taking place on the valleys. I want to go there during a weekend, find a quiet place with a nice view over the land, and indulge myself in solitude and philosophic thoughts.

And then, of course, resume my sketches and game design concepts.


I'll keep you froggies updated with my dissertation progress, and of course, lots of photos. See ya!



1 comentário:
De lpedro a 14 de Fevereiro de 2010 às 22:25
Have a nice stay there and keep in touch :)

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